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Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sarcasm



I wish I hated my husband.  Then I could leave my kids with him and go do whatever the hell I wanted.  Not worry about what he thought or his opinions about my life.  I could have extra-curricular "activities" and the smile in his face the next morning like I wasn't guilty of betraying him.  I could dance and drink and party for days and never worry if the idea of me being with some one else, or being too drunk to care for myself, made him sick.  I wish I hated my husband.

I wish I was stupid or gullible.  Then when I did make a mistake I wouldn't feel bad about it later...  I could just feign ignorance.  I could say exactly what I thought of someone, when I thought it and not edit a thing that came to my mind.  I could also be a push over and believe everything that came out of a liar's mouth.  I wish I was stupid or gullible.

I wish I didn't love my kids.  Then I could walk around, free of responsibility for their health and happiness.  I could sleep through the night when they weren't feeling well, instead of getting up 50 times a night to check their breathing or their temperature.  I wouldn't have to make sure that they did their homework and behaved in school.  Hell, I could just act like I never had them and pawn them off on every person I knew so I could have a good time every weekend.  I wish I didn't love my kids.

I wish I wasn't strong will and opinionated.  Then I could just be a sheep.  I could listen to everyone else's beliefs and not have to fight for what I believed in.  I could always take the easy out and not make any decisions that might go against the grain.  I could let people run all over me and never have to stand up for myself which is way easier than taking up for yourself.  I wish I wasn't strong willed and opinionated.

I wish I didn't worry about my family's opinion of me.  Then it wouldn't upset me when they told me I cussed too much and I could run around saying Fuck as much as I wanted.  I wouldn't have to clean my house before they came over.  I wouldn't have to feel like I failed for my house not being spotless.  I wouldn't think about quitting smoking.  God knows I hear that enough!  I wish I didn't worry about my family's opinion of me.

I wish I hated my husband, I wish I was stupid or gullible, I wish I didn't love My kids, I wish I wasn't strong willed or opinionated, and I wish I didn't worry about my family's opinion of me....  This I could skip the whole happily married thing...  I could live a completely selfish and unfulfilled life...  I could never know joy, or unconditional love...  I would never even have needed to live....

Monday, September 26, 2011

Morning's light




I sigh in the silence blissfully
steam from my coffee flying.
The quiet echos beautifully
Night is slowly dying.

Peace bounces off the new suns rays
Orange, magenta, purple, azure...
The plants reflect new mornings haze
The coming day remains unsure.

Soon my babes will arise
with smiles and golden hair,
a new dawn in their eyes.
Their radiance will pulse and flare

I will nurture them on
and watch as their minds expand.
"Don't be life's pawn,
Your hold it in your own hand."

In the mornings gentle grace.
I think of my loves smile.
His tenderness, his face.
To hold him, it's been a while.

I raise up from my seat
To begin the new, lovely day.
I stand strong on my feet
and there I will stay.

Till the night comes with its own turn
and darkness wraps around me.
Till my dreams bubble and churn
and I awake to a new sun to see....

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Instant Gratification

You know when people say, "God must have a fucked up sense of humor."?  Well today, I think God does have a fucked up sense of humor.  Now don't take this the wrong way... Tomorrow, I'll wake up and think he's just fine.  But my faith in Him is constantly tested.  And today, for whatever reason, I'm in one of those moods. 

I am a people watcher.  I can't help it and have always been that way.  And I sit back a watch, and I SWEAR it seems like the fucked up assholes of this beautiful and equally  horrible world get all the luck.  People with bad ju-ju oozing out their pores, living forever in good health.  People concerned only about themselves, getting everything they want without raising a pinky!  I think if God was all knowing, and loving and caring of the race he made, he would be "nicer" to the people who were good and let the Devil have the bad ones. 


I like instant gratification, I don't want to wait for "salvation"  or "heaven" to see that the suck-tastic people aren't there, and therefor in hell.  I want to see child molesters, rapists, and murders, get cancer and fight for their lives until the last painful breathe is squeezed from their frail, tired bodies.  Not the woman who has two children and husband, who is ethical, and loving, and God-fearing....  I want to see greedy, selfish bastards, fall on their faces, and loose their businesses and homes.  Not the man who busts his balls off, day in and day out, over and over and over again to provide for his family.

So today, I choose to be angry with God.  C'mon Almighty, why don't you help the good people out today instead of the coke dealers in Mexico who successfully smuggle millions of pounds of drugs over the boarder a year?  It'll make you feel better about yourself. 

So today, I choose to hate on those mother fuckers...  The useless men and women sucking up and using my good, clean oxygen.  Go kill you self or something...  At least THEN you'd be doing something useful.

So today, I choose to be mad. 

Monday, September 12, 2011

At home remedies


Ok, I'll say it...  I'm a hippie.  But I'm also broke, there for I love at home remedies!!!  I know a billion and five and use them all often.  I decided to write up some I have used and know work, for ya'll.  Please if you know of any that I might like, let me know.  Despite what the doctor says, I do NOT need a pill to fix EVERYTHING!!!

Upset tummy:  This includes mild heart burn.  Mint!  If I get a belly ache, or an unsettled stomach I'll suck on a mint.  If it's really getting to me, I'll eat a large York Peppermint Patty.  The upset belly is gone almost instantly!  One of my favorite things to do when my kiddos have upset tummy's is make lemonade and put a little peppermint in it.  (either by extract or shredded mint leaves)  They love it and it settles their belly's as they drink it.

Pink Eye:  Johnson's and Johnson's No Tears Baby Shampoo will clear up pink eye (and prevent the rest of your family from getting it) in 2-3 days.  Now this doesn't work for all cases.  Bacterial Pink Eye will not be cured by this.  Most Pink Eye is caused by dirt, feces, and other foreign bodies entering the eye and changing the pH levels in the eye.  And, low and behold, the shampoo has perfect pH.  You can apply two ways.  3 oz of water and 3 drops of shampoo mixed up and dropped into the eyes, 2-3 times a day.  Or you can take a nose sucker (I have no clue what they really called) fill the inside up with water and drop 1 drop of the shampoo down into the water, shake the bulb, and spray (gently) into the eyes.

****Ok boys.  This is a WARNING.  This is about "girl" stuff and may gross you the eff out, so to continue reading, skip this next paragraph****

Yeast Infections:  Believe it or not.  MOST yeast infections can be cleared up with Garlic.  You can take garlic pills (found in most grocery stores or pharmacy's) dissolve 3 into a cup of water and douche with the garlic water once a day for 3 days.  That will get rid of it.  Also, you can do this once a week to prevent them, if you are getting the infections often. 

High Blood Pressure:  These are tips to help with the high bp.  It does NOT cure anything and if your blood pressure is high you should always talk to a doctor first.  But to keep mine from shooting up here and there due to stress and other things, and protect my heart as much as I can, I take fish oil pills daily.  Fish oil has been proven to assist with a lot of problems with the heart, as well as help you prevent yourself from ever getting them.

Also, water helps a bunch.  The more you pee, the better.  Every time you need to urinate your blood pressure shoots up, and afterwards it'll fall.

Oily face/acne:  Make your own face mask, using a table spoon of sugar, an egg white, a dab of toothpaste, and lemon juice from half a lemon, mix and, Taa-daaa!.  The sugar exfoliates the skin, the egg white has 2 positives.  A. It dries and that makes the mask, a "mask" and B. It also has a drying agent in it, helping dry extra oil up on your face.  The menthol in the toothpaste opens you pores and the lemon juice sucks your face dry of oil and toxins.  Use daily until the pimples/problem is cleared up and then use at least once a week to maintain the pretty skin.  If you have dry skin and acne you can also use this, by just lowering down on the acidy fruit.  Instead of a lemon, use a strawberrie or two.  Let me just add...  I have seen this work on terrible cases of acne.  Doctors, and Proactive....  None of that stuff worked.  But my mask sure did :)

Ok, my hands are starting to hurt and I have to clean, so that's all I got for today.  But I'll continue to do other blogs like this if any one is interested. 

All I can say is they work, and this self proclaimed hippie, loves these remedies!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Life as of Now (9-11-11)



Lets see it's been a long while since I have had a chance to write and much has happened.  I don't even know where to start....

Husband:  Hmmm....  He's still the sweetest guy ever.  In fact just this morning (at 6:15 to be exact) he was up getting ready for work, and I was laying drowsily in bed when I suddenly remembered we were OUT OF COFFEE!!!  *gasp*  My worst nightmare!  He asked me "Are you upset?" and my, 6:15 in the morning on a Sunday response was, "Hell Yeah!  I'm pissed!"  I fell asleep and he went to work.  My son woke me up at about 8:30, and I stumbled down the stairs prepared for a coffee-less morning.  I walk into the kitchen to make breakfast for the kids, and there on the counter sat, a small can of coffee grounds and donuts for the boys.  That man ran into town, and got me coffee, before he had to go to work.  What a fricken sweet heart!  Anyways,  we are still broke, and still waiting for him to finish school.  On the upside the only thing he lacks in becoming a paramedic, is taking and passing his National Exam, which he takes this coming Wednesday, the 14th.  I am so damn ready, and excited for the next, not so struggling, chapter in our lives to begin, I could blow up!

Kiddos:  They are still smart, beautiful and healthy, thank the Lord.  My step daughter seems to be fast on her way to becoming a scientist.  Every time I talk to her she tells me about her awesome science projects she is working on in school.  My eldest son started Kindergarten and I am amazed everyday at how close he is to reading.  Every sign we pass on the road he is in the back seat, sounding out the word, "Gah rrr aaa nnn bah rrr eeee, Granbury Momma!"  And my youngest is still ornery and starting to talk well.  Just last week, he told me "Nigh-night Momma, wuv oo."  My cup runneth over.

My Sister:  Finally left her perpetually dull douche bag, found another man and has since moved here to Texas.  We have had little time to hang out, but I am eternally grateful she is finally here and happy :)
Myself:  I'm still me...  Being bitchy, hating on people, loving on my friends and family, and working.  I still don't get why some people are selfish and think of only themselves.  Why some people are fucking rude.  And why the worst people always have the best of luck.  My book is at an utter standstill, because I can not seem to find the time to work on it right now, with all the current craziness in my life.  I hope that all of the people who are also being affected by my husbands and myself current status of monetary stagnancy, My kids, wifey-in-law, mother, and other family and friends, bare with us with patience and understanding.  It will get better.  On a side note (as if I don't have enough on my plate already)  being that Shane will be done with his schooling and stuff, I am trying out for a local theatre company for the role of Miss. Hannigan from the play Annie.  Just for fun, trying to get my life back on track after the last year and a half of no fun-ness.  Wish me luck.

Anyhow, that's all I got for right now... And I'll be sure to hop on here the next time I have something to bitch about and of coarse the time....

A Shout Out to a New Favorite Author...

I will post another blog about life in general after this one, but I have had this one planned for a while, and just haven't had the time. 

I wanted to give a shout out to an author I have found, and fallen in love with (despite her sudden dislike of Ghirardelli Chocolates)  ;)    Heather Killough-Walden.



I get most of my reading material through my kindle because for me it's cheaper this way.  One day I had just finished reading another book and had nothing to move on to, when I saw an add on Facebook for e-books for only .99 cents.  Ok!  Don't start guys!  I am BROKE!!!  .99 cent books sounded right up my ally!

So, I go to the book store on my kindle and find these cheaper books.  I found the first book of a series (The Big Bad Wolf series) and I completely plowed through this book in a day and a half.  I loved it!  Twist and turns, just enough lovin' to make you smile, but not enough to make you feel like you have to hide the book from your husband....  Characters you fall in love with.  This book was everything I look for in a fiction/fantasy novel.

I then jumped back on my kindle, and being they were only .99, I bought every book she had written and published through Amazon.  I have since, read every book, and loved, every book.  Forever Neverland is kind of like a sequel to Peter Pan that is amazing and fresh with a totally new twist on the long loved fairy tale, The Redeemer takes a spin off of Jesus and Judas that will make your jaw drop and stay there through the whole book, and the Big Bad Wolf series is a much needed spin on werewolves and vampires.

Don't let the cheaper prices of her books fool you, she is new and she is amazing.  I am not the least bit afraid to put her in the same league as other authors you may know and love, like Sherrilyn Kenyon, Laurell K. Hamilton, and P.C. Cast.

If any of my readers have a taste for fantasy, love, action and drama all in the same book then check this lady, Heather Killough-Walden, out!  You won't regret it!

Her web site is:  http://www.killough-walden.com/
She also has a Twitter and a Facebook account

List of novels on Amazon:

Big Bad Wolf Series
     The Heat
     The Strip
     The Spell
     The Hunt

Chosen Soul
     The Chosen Soul

Hell Bent
     Hell Bent

Neverland
     Forever Neverland

The October Trilogy
     Sam I Am

Syndicate Novels
     Redeemer

Books available in print:

Lost Angels
     Avenger's Angel

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Why Ladies? Why!?



You know, I'm a woman.  And I really do think we are the smarter, emotionally stronger, more caring sex...  But I am beginning to doubt that.... I'll make this short and to the point.

When did it become necessary to have a damn man in our lives to make it complete?  Why do we need the bullshit to feel complete?  Why, when we finally decide that we are unhappy in our marriages, do we stick it out and wallow in our self pity?

I just don't get it!

I don't get the necessity to have a man.  The "want to" sure, but the need?  I mean some of my favorite times were when I was single.  No one to answer to, clean up after, argue with...  I mean, sounds fabulous, right?

And what about when we realize we are unhappy in our marriage?  To me, this is a time to get a plan, get a fucking clue....  Don't go home and wallow...  Work more hours, save money, get your shit in order and then when the time is right LEAVE!  You are woman!  You are strong! And you damn well can be independent and successful!  Don't sit around waiting for him to change, or fix things.  It ain't gonna happen.  And another thing, you can bet your ass that if your husband wanted a divorce he would a) Cheat on you or b) Ask for a damn divorce and move the hell on!

Now, from personal experience, should this time still be hard? Yes.  Should you be sad? Yes.  It's an end to a (how ever long) relationship, but is it the end of your life... NO! It's just another chapter of your book finished.  When my last "break-up" began, I was devastated.  I cried everyday for three weeks.  But my ass went to work, put on a happy face and made money.  I had a child to raise and refused to let this ruin me and my boy.  I worked harder than ever and by the 4th week I had a plan, and confidence to survive.  I was going to get me a place and move the hell on.  I mourned, but I remained strong.  He was NOT going to bring me down.

I see so many women shut down.  Quit their jobs, stick out a shitty marriage, and be depressed...  It's awful.  Why quit your job?  You're gonna need money and stability!  Why stick it out?  Your going to be a better parent and person if your happy.  Why be depressed?  You're not dying.  Sadness, sure...  Depression?  He's not the only man on the planet who can treat you well or love you.  There are like 7 BILLION fish in the sea.

PLEASE ladies, wake the hell up!  You CAN survive with out him; you are beautiful, strong, and smart.  There are other men, there is money other than in his wallet, there is happiness outside of your front door.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

A comment back to a comment leaver and some more good news :)

This is my comment back to L.A. who left a comment on my "Lactating with Rage" blog:

Thank you for your impute ma'am.  First I can assure you that all of the things on here are real life and whether or not they have happened to me (which they have in one way or another) is of no relevance to this blog.  I post these because it is my way to vent...  about life, the government, and what ever else is upsetting me at that time.  I do write things about my wonderful family (husband and children), but for the most part this blog is to be passionate about something other than my babies.  I spend 24-7 with my kiddos and I can't very well sit them down and tell them about all the things that have bothered me that week.  I think if you have never felt passionate enough about something you bore witness to, to want to run to the rooftops and scream it to the world, than it is something you are truly lacking.  I am passionate about all things, big, small, good or bad.  I hope this blog gives people who can relate to my writing a smile or a laugh and some self assurance that there are other people out there who feel this way and are not afraid vocalize these feelings and opinions.  I let my kids know how much I love them everyday by my actions. My writing, however, is for me, my "therapy".  And if there is anyone out there who reads this and feels better about their day, then so be it....


Ok so there was my comment back, being that Blogger is being a butthole and wouldn't let me reply...  Now on to my good news

August 2nd, my husband will be done with school!  I am sooo proud of him and couldn't be more ready for the last year and a half to be over.  Hopefully if all goes well, he will be a state certified, working, paramedic around September 1st.  Admirable, I know...  Again my pride and love runneth over.

Let me explain a little about the last year.  Our 2010 tax return was, hear me when I write this, about 9 and a half times MORE income then we are currently bringing in.  Money isn't the most important thing to me, never has, never will be, but the strain of keeping up a household and children for the last year and a half with bits and crumbs is sometimes overwhelming.  To quote Silverchair, "you say that money isn't everything, but I'd like to see you live without it"  I am ready to be caught up on our bills, and have a little leeway financially. 

Now, let me not sound ungrateful.  My husband has worked his balls off as much as humanly possible, but unfortunately it's not quite enough.  He's currently working 2 (before he was working 3) jobs and going to school full time and still (barely) keeping us afloat. I will be forever grateful for his hard work and dedication.  I am a hair dresser and though the money can be good, I had to greatly reduce my hours (we can't afford day care any longer) which in turn greatly reduces my checks.  They weren't huge to begin with, but now I am only bringing home about half what I could make. It was hard and we struggled to keep on trucking (as a side note, to throw another quote in here, via my best friend, Shauna Marie, "I don't wanna hear your fucking broke!  I'm fucking broke mother fucker!") 

Well, we have almost made it.  The struggling, the stress, the jealousy (yes jealousy, you have no clue how hard it is to see EVERYONE get a vacation, or be able to afford something as small as a dinner out, when you are sooo damn broke) the pain of having to cancel things because we can't afford them, the embarrassment to have the water company come out and ask for a payment....  all that, is almost over, and I am almost giddy with anticipation.

I love you Shane Hebel and admire, your dedication and hard work...  Keep it up and all will be well and normal soon.  XOXO

Just a sound check...

Everytime I post something it kicks me off the site...  Don't want to write a 10,000 word blog if it isn't going to post right now....

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Lactating with RAGE

A list of things that piss me off


1.  People who think I owe them something. ***This doesn't include money.  You/I doooo owe money*** I don't owe anyone SHIT.  The only people I MIGHT owe, is Jesus, my parents and my body.  No exceptions.  I don't HAVE to talk to you.  I don't HAVE to clean your shit up.  I don't have to watch your kids.  I don't HAVE to help you in any way shape or form.  Granted, it may help my Karma to do these things here and there, and the likelihood is, is I would be happy to do so.  But don't expect it out of me.  AND on a side note...  NO ONE OWES anyone anything really.  Example: If your husband cheats on you and then you take him back, he doesn't OWE you a diamond ring.  YOU TOOK HIM BACK!!! 

2.  Take care of your kids!  If they are hungry and you only have enough money for cigarettes or food.  Buy the God Damned food!   Don't let your kids go to strangers houses.  Guess what?  No one thinks the person they left their kids with is a pedophile.  If your kid goes to school everyday and you see them just long enough to put them in bed, spend some time with them on the weekends.  They will remember that time even if you don't.  If your kid gets arrested for stealing.  Punish them.  Beat that ass.  Something!  Don't ask them what you can do to make their life better so they won't do something like this again.  Ask them if they want to live to see tomorrow and then put their asses to work until their hands bleed.  Tuck them in bed tell them you love them, then wake them up in the morning and have them do it all over again.

3.  Acknowledge you significant other when you know they have been putting their all into something.  If they have been working 12 hour days, and going to school another 4 hours and then only getting 5 hours of sleep, every day for a month.  Tell them you're proud and you love them.  Do NOT however, let them run all over you.  If they go to work for 12 hours, come home change and leave again, while you're stuck at home with the kids (unless this is by choice.  Some people don't mind this) and you haven't done anything but work and take care of your chillen's for the last 4 months.  Step up to the plate and tell them what for!

4.  When some one is talking, the occasional interruption is one thing, but do not interrupt EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF MY MOUTH.  Rude ass mother fucker...  And also do not try to one up my shit.  If I'm telling a story to a group of people, do not INTERRUPT and THEN say, " Well, that ain't shit compared to when I...."  Note to you... I will ALWAYS be cooler biatches ;)

5.  When you use a dish in my house, A) rinse it the fuck off and B) put in the dishwasher two inches from my sink!

6.  This one is to the men of the world.  Shut the shower curtain when your are done in the tub.  THEN, if your not all upset about shutting the curtain, clean the fuckin shavings from your face, and the toothpaste you spit in the sink, down the damn drain.

7.Do NOT cut me off, and if you are 75 or older, OR driving a Buick either get out of my way, drive the speed limit (as we are in the left lane), or don't pull in front of me in the first DAMN PLACE!  This goes for you too Cadillac drivers. 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

American Voters and your Suck-tasticness



I am starting to think, any show where the American public votes, blows.  This will be quick, and blunt.  You bastards are, hearing impaired, visually lacking or plain out right fickle. 

Here's the deal (I am going to use Dancing with the Stars, which I do not watch, and American Idol for examples), why is it, the shittiest people always win?  Then (in American Idols case especially) there is no support for whom "the public" voted for once they win.  Example, Lee Dewyze of American Idol.  Heard anything from him since he "won" American Idol?  No?  Your kidding me, 900 million people voted for him...  Here, I'll fill you in...  You haven't heard from him because HE SUCKED!

Ok, Before I go further, no one on AI truly "sucks".  They all can sing,  but when you get down to the finally two, don't vote for "the underdog", or the cutest!  Vote for the BEST.  I couldn't fucking STAND Adam Lambert, I thought he was completely stuck on his self.  But him, or Kris Allen?  Oh what, don't remember him either?  Kris Allen was your winner 2 years ago.  And he should NOT have won.

What happened to the "Carrie Underwood's" and "Kelly Clarkson's"?  They could sing, and perform, and yes they were pretty, BUT they also could, (key word here) PERFORM!

Currently, there is Scotty "Howdy Doody" McCreery, and Lauren Alaina...  Either one is a fricken travesty to the show, but I'll bet Scotty (because he's the worst, so he'll get the "underdog" vote, and he's cute so all the little girls out there are voting for him and making their parents vote for him) wins.  I wouldn't pay .50 cents to see either of them in concert.  Good singers don't make good record deals, if they did, I could think of 30 people who should be singing and making millions.  I'm not even going to watch the last show.  I could care less, because the best doesn't win on these shows.  And actually if you wanna get technical,  it's not even about the "best singer" on this show anymore.  If so Pia, James, and Haley would have been your top 3!

And DWTS!  Hines Word!  I love him, think he's a doll, I also know (from watching him dance once or twice) is he has bare minimal rhythm, and 2 left feet.  Ughh!  Disgusting!

So, America, if shows where we vote were ever good to begin with, you have managed to take all the fun out of watching them, with your suck-tasticness.  I say this every year.  Stop letting you 10 year old, snot nosed little girl vote, and if your voting, Middle Aged, Urban America Mother....  Go get laid, and maybe the cutest won't win anymore...  THEN, Maybe we can get back to actual TALENT.  

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The BEST Night time story EVER (for kids and parents) :)

Okay, First let me thank my Wife-in-Law for posting this on her face book, I would have never even heard of it if not for her. Second, let me say, that I should have thought of this about 5 years ago, when my oldest son was colicky, gasy, and cried for hours.
 Adam Mansbach is a tired father, whom after a VERY hard time getting his baby to sleep, after a very long day decided to write a book titled "Go The [Expletive] To Sleep"  Just reading the title makes me laugh.  Throughout the book are little rhyming paragraphs with blank spots in the lines, so that when you read to your grumpy child, you can mentally put the curse word you are so vehemently wanting to say, into the book.  I say this is absolute genius, with more than a pound of grains worth of truth to it.  If you don't agree with feeling like this at some point of you parental career, then either A. You are in fucking denial, or B. You should take your ass down to the Pope and be canonized as a saint.

With both of my boys I have had those evenings where all you want is the little bastard to shut the hell up and go to bed.  I mean really, they have been up for six hours, had an eight ounce bottle, taken a bath and had a new diaper put on, and they STILL won't shut the fuck up?  What was wrong with them that day?!?!?

My husband, when the boys were under a year old would jokingly sing, "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep so I don't beat you..." over, and over again, in a sweet and gentle voice until they would slowly drift off into sleep.  I laughed at that and I will always look back fondly at those memories.  Mansbach has embodied those feelings into a book.  The love you feel for your children is so strong that even when you want to tell them to "Shut the **** up, and go the **** to SLEEP!"  you don't.....  But that doesn't mean you never think it! 

Here is an excerpt from the book:

The owls fly forth from the treetops.
Through the air, they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love
For real, shut the [expletive] up and sleep.
The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
You're cute as hell and smart as [expletive]
But why in the [expletive] won't you sleep?

Again, I have read this at least 10 times, and I still smile to myself at the memories of my boys's babyhood this little rhyme drudges up. 

Next time your rocking your little one to sleep and She/he is being an ass and you think to yourself that you might cry, remember this book.  Smile to yourself and embrace the memories you are making, even if at that moment you hate life, yourself, and your child.  Don't feel bad, you aren't the first that feels this way, nor will you be the last to feel that way.  And if you confide in someone how your feeling and they think your awful, either they don't have kids or you were just in the presence of a saint, and you can contact me to reassure you that you are not alone.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Jealous by Nature

I am jealous by nature.  It isn't something I developed over the years, I swear it was something I was born with.  I don't really love the fact that this is how I am, but I have come to accept it.  I think this jealousy is a spawn from several different emotions, but in the long run, it all turns to jealousy.

My very first memory of being jealous, I was 2 and a half years old.  It was July of '86 and my mother had just had my little sister.  My Grandparents took me to the hospital to meet Jessica, and I was NOT excited about meeting her at all.  We went into the room, and my sister was sitting on my dad's lap and my mother, looking exhausted, was sitting up in her bed.  I remember my dad smiling and my mother looking at me with excitement and anticipation.  My mother asked me "what I thought of my new sister" and I responded with, "I hate you."  Now, don't get me wrong, I loved my sister, AND my mother (they are now and always have been my best friends), but the jealousy I felt that day was so strong I remember it 25 year later!  I don't have the slightest idea why I was sooo jealous, I was instantly loving on my sister when she came home, but at that moment?  Ugh!

The older I get, the worse my jealousy gets.  Now, I am jealous of everything, though I think it comes from a different place than it used to.  I talked to my mom about these feeling, because makes me feel awful for feeling this way towards people (especially people who are my friends and loved ones), and she told me she knew exactly what I meant, but she didn't think it was jealousy ALL the time.  She thinks sometimes it is envy.  Let me explain her point of view.

If I see someone post something on facebook about them doing or getting something I want, I immediately feel "jealous".  I am happy for them, but there is this feeling in the pit of my stomach...  She says that, because I am happy for them, it can't be jealousy, it must be envy.  What do you think?

On the other hand when my husband and I are walking through the mall and the bitch standing in front of Rue 21 gives the stare down to my man and I get all fired up, that is jealousy.  Or if I find a woman texting my hubby and I ask, "who the fuck is this bitch?"  That is jealousy.  :)

So maybe, I am jealous, AND envious by nature.  No bueno.  This is something I desperately wish I could control (I always with think some level of jealousy is healthy).  Some days are worse than others, but if I could make it simmer down, I would let it, regardless.  I'm typing this, hoping to aleave my "bad" feelings, and get some of it off my back.

Now, I do have one example that is NOT jealousy.  To the hooker at Pete's Piano Bar who sat right in front of me and hit on my man all night.  A.  I had given him a kiss and turned to face the stage and she leaned over and said, "Is that your sister?"  REALLY BITCH?  B.  You are sooooo lucky that I wasn't drinking that night.  3 more Vodka Tonics and I would have been wiping the floor with your face! and C.  You UGLY!  Did you really think you had a chance?  Even AFTER finding out I was his wife.  Did I need to pee on his leg, or what!?!?  Anyhow, this, in my opinion is not jealousy...  This is a blend of two things.  You were being a rude, disrespectful skank to me and my husband AND our marriage, and second, It's territorialism.  That's my man, so step off....

Anyhow, I love myself and all my flaws.  The inability to be on time, jealousy, envy....  Ok, maybe that's all I can think of :) What I do know is I'm not perfect physically or mentally, but I am what I am.  And that just might mean, I'm Jealous by Nature :)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I Can TOO Be Nice! :)

I can be a bitch.  In fact, I would say more often than not, I am one.  Actually, I almost pride myself on this knowledge.  I don't trust to often, and it takes a lot for me to actually open up for you.  If I don't like you at first site, then I probably won't like you.  I'm judgemental, and I will inevitably find a flaw in you that I can't deal with and I will, in turn, not like you.  Call me Louisiana.  In my world, your guilty until proven innocent, not the other way around.

Despite that, I really do have a heart, that is quite large and I tend to wear my emotions openly.  It's not hard to read me at all.  I cried for almost 6 hours when I saw The Notebook, and I wasn't even at the end of the movie when I started.  Every time I would calm down, I would think about Noah taking care of his sick, old wife, and I would loose it all over again.  I cry at the beginning of almost every single episode of Extreme Home Makeover and all out BAWL at the end.  When the show is over, I sit and try and think of anyone I know who needs me to call up Tye and have them build them a house.  I want to do Susan G. Koman's 3 day walk, but don't have the means, nor the time.  Hell, I cry over several different commercials at least once a day.  I'm always trying to think of ways to help someone or change the world.

Well, I think I finally have an idea.  This morning on the way to my son's school, Kidd Kraddick was one and talking about his Kidd's Kids.  Now obviously I don't have the money to donate myself, but I was thinking about doing a fundraiser where all the money goes to these kids in need.  It's basically, where the radio show raises money and sends 700 people (terminally/chronically ill kids and their families) to Disney World, as one big group.  The kids get to hang out together, and for one week they get to have friends who are like them and don't have to worry about people/other kids making them feel different.  For some families, it's the last family vacation they have before their baby passes away.  Some kids make life long bonds and finally can have a bestie outside of their family. For most families and kids, it's just about fun and making memories. 

Every year I hear Kidd and his team call a much deserving family, and give them a much deserved vacation.  Every year I get goosebumps and end up almost wrecking because I can't see through my tears.  And every year, I think "I wish I had some money to donate."  So this year I am going raise money, and think "that kid might be there because of my fundraiser, and the wonderful people I know" :)

Donate to Kidd's Kids!!!!

News on my Evil Writer Block

Soooo, I finally had a breakthrough a couple of days ago with my writers block.  I wrote some more on my Hunter novel and even a little bit on my young adult book.  Oddly enough, it was pressure that broke me out of my block.

I was having a bad day, (seems like every day is a bad one this week) and all I could think was if I could just work on my books I'd feel so much better.  It'd be one less stress to ponder over at night.  That kind of thing.  So I sat down in front of the computer, pulled up my Hunter novel and Tadaaaaa!  Instead of sitting there staring at the blinking cursor for a half hour, getting disgusted and then seriously contemplating through the damn PC out of the window, I actually wrote!  I feel so wonderful getting my creative juices flowing and I feel like I am heading in the right direction again.

On another note, I have begun to stress over the Hunter novel, which is the one that is closest to completion.  A novel consists of anywhere between 80,000 and 100,000 words, and I am sitting at about 50,000 with only 4 and a half chapters and the Epilogue to finish.  I'm trying not to freak that it's not as long as I would have liked, but that's easier said then done.  I have decided to just finish the damn thing and then go back while editing again, and add some meat in places that seem skimpy, and see what I get then.

Anyway, the point is, I am shooting to be done with it in the next two months.  I even have a photo shoot set up to get a cover done for it, in about 2 weeks.  When I finish the cover I'll post it on here for anyone interested. 

For my other peeps that prefer my funnier or more blunt blogs, I am hoping to hop back on here later today and write one up.  Bare with me!  I still have to take care of 2 rotten chillens and clean my casa.  :)

Monday, May 16, 2011

2+3=Polygamy

     Ok, so I am totally addicted to the TV show Sister Wives.  This show has me hooked.  The lifestyle is something alien to me and maybe that is where the curiosity come from.  But really, I think it's just wanting to know how it all works!  How do they work things out without killing each other?  Curiosity killed the cat right? 

     I love Kody.  And lets be real folks, the man has FOUR wives.  Most men can't stomach one for long periods of time!  He has to make sure they are all happy, taken care of emotionally and financially, and take care of the kids (whether his biologically or not). 

     Meri, the 1st and only legal wife Kody has, is fun and a little goofy.  She seems to be the risk taker.  She is also the one who seems to be the "take charge" wife.  She understands the kind of focus and determination that having 64 kids ;) and an ass load of responsibility her kind of lifestyle brings.  She also, from what I understand, "picked" the other wives out!  Go head girl...  What ever floats your boat!

     Janelle, the 2nd, I have to admit is my "least favorite wife", but I don't dislike her.  She works outside of the home, and seems to be a lot like me when it comes to her role in the family.  She finds that she is a better mother when she is working.  She has to work at being a good mother (as do I) rather than it be something that comes naturally.  

     Christine is the third wife and definitely the "mommy" of the group.  She likes the domesticated life, and being at home with the kiddos.  She seems to be fun loving, and set in her ways, and beliefs.

     Robin, the forth and most recently added, is quiet, and seems to be trying to find her spot still.  She is careful not to step on toes, but still tries to bring her own traditions and personality for the whole family.

     Now the reason I am writing this blog is because, I love these guys!  This is NOT my kind of life.  I am, by nature, a jealous person, and with out a doubt, I would rip a bitches hair out.  And don't get me wrong, these ladies get jealous, but no cat fights!  That in itself, to me, is amazing.  Kody dotes on each wife with one on one time and in groups.  They have normal family dilemmas and ALL the kids seem to feel loved, and show no signs of damage to this taboo lifestyle.

     In the show right now, they are facing charges by the state, and I am truly sad for these people. ***Let me just add this side note.  On the episode last night, I found out that they actually BUILD Plyg houses.  One big family room with wings branching off of it, each wing equipped with housing a wife.  If Utah doesn't want Polygamy going on then they should make sure contractors stop building these kinds of home.  You can't condone it one way and condemn it another way!***  They mind their business, and raise their children right, who fucking cares if he has 4 "wives".  They all aren't legally married, so technically they aren't breaking any laws.  Give them a break.  If they arrest this man, then where should it stop.  If a person cheats on their partner with another person for several years, will they go to jail?  Because, legally, that's all he is doing, having multiple, long term, affairs. 

    In their religious beliefs what they are doing is how things happen and that is what this whole country was based on!.  Religious freedom!  Again is this the lifestyle I would pick?  No.  Do I sometimes watch the show and think Aw Helllll naw?  Absolutely!  But when it comes right down to it, is it any of my business how the Brown's live their lives? Not at all.  They aren't breaking any laws, the kids are smart, sweet and taken care of, the wives are content, so who cares?  In my opinion, they are crazy but it seems to work fine for them :)  So, I, support their way of life, because it's what they choose.  Just as I support, gay marriage.  Just as I support love and freedom. 

     And don't get me wrong, there are times that I think to myself, if I had a sister wife, maybe I wouldn't have to work so hard :)  Yeah ok, so that's not happening, but still....  Rock on Brown Family!  To each is own!



    

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Put the Twinkie Down Fatty!!!

Ok, I am limited on time today, but I wanted to write something about fat chicks, and me being one (and still being one) and how I am slowly changing that.

I'll never forget the day I found out I was fat.  Ok, I know what your thinking...  But I swear on all that's holy, I had no clue I was fat.  I looked in the mirror and saw hotness :)  I know that sounds like a joke, but I never said I lacked self esteem! (I blame this idea that I think I'm sexy on my mother, I love you mom, but when I was rockin a mullet, and a bucked tooth grin, you should have stopped telling me how beautiful I was)   Any way, long story short, I went to watch my lovely step-daughter in her first ballet recital, when I realized something wasn't right.  My head felt like it was gonna pop off my shoulders, the pressure was almost unbearable.  And my heart was racing up to 130 beats per minute. 

On the way home from my Wife-in-laws, I had to pull over and let my husband drive because I kept thinking I was gonna pass out.  And then several hours later, the hubbs decided to take me to the hospital.  We go and they tell me nothing is wrong with me, despite the fact I tell them I feel like I am dying.    About 5 hours after that, My beautifully caring husband takes me to a different hospital, because I feel no better, and if anything the symptoms or worsening.  They send me home as well. 

Monday swings around and I call our family doctor and tell them I need an appointment ASAP, that I think I am dying.  They get me right in. 

When my doc comes in and smiling, asks me "What seems to be the problem, Ms. Crystal?"  I burst into tears and tell her I'm dying and no one believes me!  I give her a run down of the last 3 days and she nods the whole time looking down at my medical chart.  When I get done she looks me in the eye and says, "High blood pressure is any jump in your normal blood pressure more than 20 points.  You normally run around 95/70ish and it's now 130/98 or so.  Now that's not terrible to most people, but because you run low normally you probably feel very badly."  I ask her in complete disbelief and say, "High blood pressure?  How?  No one in my whole family has it!"  And, bless her, never removing her eyes from mine she says, "Well in the last 3 months or so, you have put on about 20 lbs and I think if you loose just a little weight, your bp will fall as well."  All I could think was, If I had just put the damn twinkie down one time, I might not be in this situation.

Needless to say I went home wiped my house clean of anything that didn't say, Fat Free, Low Fat or Low Sodium and then stocked if full of the healthiest choices I knew of.  I also went out and bought the Wii Fit.  I lost 8 lbs the first week, and was taken off my meds.  I have since lost around 60 lbs and I am in any where between a size 8ish and a size 11/12ish depending on the cut and stuff.  I am still overweight and hope to eventually be to a smaller size.  Not for vanities sake, but for my health.  I always thought I was sexy!  ;)  

So now, I park away from the front of the building and walk, I work out between 3-5 days a week, I joined a co-ed softball league, and really am enjoying my new found strength, agility and energy.  I always said, if I can be fat and healthy (I love food), then I was content being fat.  But now I know I can't be fat and healthy, so smaller is good for me.  Love yourself regardless, but when your health starts to get at you because you size loose a couple pounds, you don't have to be Kate Moss to feel good!

If I can do it so can anyone!!!  Take baby steps and keep in mind I swear by the Wii Fit, I lost my first 20 lbs on that thing!!!  It's fun and easy.

And remember ladies (and gents) you can burn up to 85 calories in a half hour of love making ;)  Bow-chica-bow-woooow!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Financial Stupidity in the state of Texas

Do you ever watch the News and think, "What the hell is the the problem, if they just..." ?  Cause I do almost every single time I turn the TV on.  My current issue is one that I feel is of the utmost importance, the schools.

For non-Texan's, I will explain.  The schools are all have budget shortfalls.  What this means (from what I understand) is the federal government gives them money and then the schools get together form a budget.  This year they come to the conclusion that there isn't going to be enough money for the year, so they start firing teachers like it's going out of style.

I have a couple of issues with this.

A.  Why are the schools not getting adequate money from the government?  Do we not pay ENOUGH DAMN TAXES!?!?!  Where the hell is all our money going?  Wait, I know!  Its going to paving roads!  Not only are they about to start the MOST expensive road project EVER in America, but they are constantly, and unnecessarily paving smaller roads.  I have lived in this area 10 years and they have paved Hwy 377 like 6 times!  Really?  I have lived in Godley, for almost 4 years and little, rinky-dink Hwy 171 has been paved twice!  It would be different if the they spent the money on the smaller back roads that the 18 wheelers drive on at 100 mph.  At least they have friggin pot holes!!!  Stop wasting money on shit like that and save our damn children the embarrassment of going to college with less education then the rest of the country!

B.  I am a strong believer in the idea the ignorance breeds ignorance.  For an example, If you raise kids and your a racist, then the reality is, that your kids will also be racist.  So back to my soap box, if you cut our children's education down, you will only hurt yourselves in the long run.  It's just as important to teach the kids properly in school as it is outside of school.  We wonder why our kids go out a be nothing, well maybe it's because our education system sucks.  If firing teachers and making the classroom ratio something like 30 students to 1 teacher, isn't sucky then I don't know what is! 

So one day, when our kids are only fit to work in McDonalds, and the average per ca pita income is 10,000$ dollars a year because they weren't equipped with the skills needed to support themselves, don't cry for your grand kids.  When your old, and decrepit, sick from some terminal disease and your babies don't have the money to care for your old asses, so they toss you to the wind...  Don't say I didn't warn you!

Education is everything!  Roads, salaries for horrible politicians, and drunk, system abusing cops, should be place on the back burner!  Step up and stand up for your kids and their future.  If we don't do it and worry about it, no one will.  Least of all Governor Rick Perry's ass.....

To the Red, White and Blue



Ok, so I posted a blog two days ago about Osama Bin Laden.  I linked it to Facebook and to my Twitter account.  About an hour later, blogger said it was having some issues.  Now when I log on the blog, it's not showing the blog.  I don't know what happened to it and it pisses me off, but I am going to give every one a brief run down about what I said, in case you missed it and I can't retrieve the content.

To put it simply, I am ecstatic that Osama Bin Asshole Laden is dead.  I was in Annapolis, MD enjoying my senior year when it all went down.  In retrospect the whole world seemed to turn upside down.  My city was like a ghost town.  No one on the streets, and businesses that had never closed in 30 years were closed.  Hell even the McDonald's was shut down!  I will never forget the fear and sadness I experienced that day, and call me what you will, but I was DAMN glad that sorry excuse for a Muslim was taken down.

Congrats to the man in uniform who got the pleasure of blowing Bin Laden's brains all over his young, dumb, pretty wife.  May you never buy a shot again and if your single may you get mad ass for the rest of your life.  I wish I had been the one to pull the trigger.  I am proud.

A total of 3,497 people perished that day.  All different races, ethnicity's, religions, sexualities...  But as far as I am concerned they all innocent and all American.  I was saddened, by their deaths and for the sorrow their families had to endure, as well as for America as a whole.  It was a viciously sad day.

He may not have been the brains behind it all, but he was the face of it.  Terrorism at it's best, and now some member of OUR Armed Forces has grabbed Al Queada by the short hairs and ripped there face off...  Sounds sublime to me.

I hope Osama Bin Laden and Adolf Hitler have a wonderful time rolling around in the fiery breaths of Hell.  Douche Bags...  I am proud to be an American, proud of the soldier who ended Bin Laden's life, proud of my president who made the call to take him out, and proud of my fellow Americans for sacrificing their lives/family members day by day, just so we could get step by step closer to that maggot.

F*** You Osama Bin Laden!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Why'd you say that!?

I don't have much to say as of late, because life has been hectic to say the least.  But over the last week or so I have had some things said to, or to people around, me.  Every timethese things are said I think to myself, "Why in the F@#$ did you say that?"  Thought I would leave some examples.

1) During several recent break ups around me, I have heard the ladies say that their ex-men said, "I don't love you, and I never HAVE loved you."  It a hurtful thing to know that your going through the break up and loosing some one you care about.  Couldn't you just say, "I don't love you any more."?

2)  When you get your hair done, and you pay 100$ for a highlight that took 4 hours start to finish, DO NOT say, "This is why I only come in once every six months." apon hearing your total.  Really bitch?  Lemme break it down for ya...  That's the foil, color (both dye and developer), water, shampoo, conditioner, biosilk, and other styling products, plus electricity, making it really about 85$, divided by 4.  Which is 21$ an hour.  Now lets take the 40% out for the rental of the booth which is 8 more dollars, knocking our total down to 13$ an hour!  WHICH DOES NOT INCLUDE THE TAXES WE HAVE TO PAY!  So suck it the fuck up if you want you hair done, or do it yourself!

3)  This one was from my husband, and even though a. I asked his opinion, and b. I know he didn't mean it how it sounded, it was too funny/awful not to add.  I play on a co-ed softball league, and I asked if I was fast when I ran to base.  His response was, "Your fast, for a girl", strike number 1...  "I mean, you should have seen how slow you were when you were heavier." Strike 2, and THEN before I could even respond, "I did not just call you fat."  Strike # 3 buddy, YOUR OUTTA HERE!!!  ;)

4)  "Being that you don't really work." Said a man to a housewife....  Really?

5)  I called some one a dick for cutting me off, which was quickly followed by my 5 year old asking if he could say that.  I asked "say what?" , still pissed off from the dumb ass driver and not really paying attention.  And my son says, "Dick?"  *sigh*

Think before you speak people!!!!  : )

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Laws About Men :) Part 1

I decided to write about this after my double header softball game tonight.  Watching a bunch of seemingly normal men get absolutely ridiculous over a co-ed softball league will get your brain working for sure.

First, lets cover what men say and then what they really mean.

A. You ARE beautiful to me baby.  And varying forms of this...  ie.
      1. You look beautiful in the mornings
      2. You look most beautiful right when you get out of the shower
      3. You look so beautiful tonight

B.  Your right. And varying forms of this...  ie.
      1. I'm sorry I forgot to take the trash out
      2. This is stupid!  Why are we fighting over this?
      3. I will never do it again, I promise

C.  I did the laundry for you.  And again, different forms of this... ie.
      1. I cleaned.
      2. I mowed the lawn.

All of these wonderful compliments and or "favors" are code for "Wanna have sex now?"

Another one of my favorites that single ladies are bound to hear is, "I don't think I want a serious relationship right now."  This one is for you to think they are vulnerable from a previous relationship, when in reality it simply means, "I wanna fuck you and anything else I damn well please, and definitely don't want to answer to you."  Ladies!  Do not fall into this one!  It is a TRAP!  :) (MEN:  If a woman says ANY of the for mentioned thing it is because she loves you, either as a friend or lover)

Second, men are, by their very nature, the more aggressive sex.  Now a days with no hand on hand combat going on here in this country, this will transfer itself on to all sporting events, or on to any situation where too much alcohol is involved.  If a man suddenly jumps up screaming at Tony Romo while kicking the coffee table, therefor scaring the shit out of you and your kids, relax, it is only a man being a man.  Regardless of how dumb it appears to you, let him do this without chastising him, for this is the better release of testosterone than the other option, Releasing While Intoxicated.

This second option of releasing their aggression is the worse of the two reactions.  Men can drink and be merry with the best of them, but after that one drink too many....  Watch out.  There is actually an endorphin that is released that travels through their brain and trips the aggressive trigger ;)  At this point, they become belligerent, or cocky/mouthy, or just plain stupid.  These things normally transmit to rude comments, subsequently leading to a fight.  Either verbal with a spouse/lover or physically with a homeboy/complete fricken stranger.

Third, lets address the IFBWIS syndrome.  This is an acronym stands for, I'm a Fucking Baby When I'm Sick syndrome.  Now, despite my smart ass comment about the endorphin trigger tripper in my previous paragraph, women really DO have an endorphin that is released when we are in pain, therefore making our pain tolerance higher (scientifically proven boys, so shut the hell up, this whole blog is in defense of you!)  Scientists say it is the reason we can bare/deliver children.  So when you recover from the flu and still did all of the things required of a wife/mother/girlfriend and then your significant other gets the same thing and they act like they are dying, it probably is because they really feel sicker than you did.  So cut them some slack :)

I hope that this blog will shed some light on the very confusing subject of men for the ladies out there, and bring a smile to your face.  I also hope that the men have a better time of getting along with their lady-mates after they read this.  :)  XOXO

Monday, April 4, 2011

Twirling Thoughts About Parents

It's been a couple of days since I have written and I have sooo many subjects I want to rant about I'm having trouble narrowing them down.  I went through and decided to start with the last one I thought about.  Dumb ass parents of children.  Do I need a disclaimer here? Better be safe than sorry *DISCLAIMER!!!! These are my thoughts and opinions.  These do not apply to everyone, as I know there are exceptions to every rule.*

My eldest son is 5 and now goes to school, but for 3 year prior to that he attended a day care.  This is a wonderful day care (my youngest now goes there), and the lady who runs it is superb.  When my eldest started to go, he began to get sick once a damn week.  So after about a month of doctor visits and missed work, I finally confronted my day care lady.  I told her that I was upset about how often my kiddo was getting sick.  She looked at me sympathetically and for lack of a better way to describe this, she called out a parent who was always sending her kid to the day care sick. (This is a small, at home day care with like 7 kids max, and just this elderly lady taking care of them all)  With out calling this mother a dick head, she said just that.  She gave me any example of how, the kid (really he was a baby, like 1ish) came in one day with a rash of huge bumps all over his legs and belly.  The day care lady didn't notice it until she went to change his first diaper, and as soon as she DID notice she contacted the mother.  The mother played stupid (how could she not have seen dime sized leisons on this boy?), and told the lady she'd be there to get the boy ASAP.  Not knowing what is was, the day care lady separated the boy from the other kids in case he was contagious.  Needless to say 6 hours later, the mother showed up (she worked less than 20 minutes from the day care) to get her little boy.  Now, I do feel sympathy with this poor baby, but that bitch should have been smacked!  It turned out that the boy had a bacterial skin infection and WAS contagious.  None of the other kids got it, thanks to the swift actions of the day car provider, but what if she hadn't of separated the boy, thinking the mother would be there in 20 minutes?

I started watching this woman after my day care lady informed me of why she believed that my son was getting sick all the time.  Well, I'll be damned, if that kid had a runny nose, my son would get one 7 days later (as well as all the other kids)  One day I walked into the day care and found the boy separated from all the other kids.  I asked the baby sitter what the deal was and she told me, that in her opinion, the boy had Pink Eye.  She said when he first arrived he was asleep and she didn't notice it until he woke up almost an hour later.  She then separated the boy, and called the mother... 4 hours ago.  I immediately got pissed. 

The next morning, who woke up with Pink Eye?  My son.  Now this happened at least 10 times.  And one of those times, she came and brought that Pink Eye ridden child back and handed the day care lady, Visine.  My day care provider, told her she needed to take him to a DOCTOR and not to bring him back with out a doctors note.  Really bitch?  You needed to be told that?

Anyway, on the 10th or so time that this kind of thing happened, I had had ENOUGH.  I waited for her to come and pick her sick ass son up and told her I needed her address.  She looked at me curiously and asked why, and proceeded to tell her "I need it so I can forward my doctor bills to you, because you are always bringing your sick ass kid into here and getting my kid sick!"  She looked at me with her beady eyes wide with shock and stormed out of the day care.  I felt better and she stopped being so stupid with her sickly child.  My question is, why did I have to call her out and embarrass her before she decided to change her ways?

She was eventually kicked out of the day care for reasons unknown to me. Yes, it made me smile to know she was gone.

Since my son started school, he has started getting sick again.  Now, I expected this to some degree, but he started getting sick once a week around the holidays.  Here is my conclusion.  There are dumb ass parents every where!  When your kid is sick, take them to the damn doctor instead of sending them to school to give my child strep, or the flu!  Or at the very least, keep them home and try to make them better by yourself!  Even as I type this, I can not believe I have to feel this way.  Why do you want to send your kid, when they are sick, to school?  When you're unwell, does your ass go to work?!?  If so, you need to be smacked for both offenses!

One more thing I want to touch on, vaccines.  This controversial subject for people now a days, but I would like to make two quick points.  A.  Chromosomes cause Autism, not vaccines. IF (and in my opinion, that's a big if) you think the vaccines gave your baby Autism, maybe it just made what was already there, more obvious?  And B.  Lets say they DO cause Autism, seriously?  In my head, it's like this.  Dead child due to not getting a vaccine for a potentially deadly virus/disease, or Autism.  And at that thought, I know some beautiful, bright, intelligent, wonderful, loving children with varying forms of Autism.  To ME, there is no choice.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Brick walls

I am having some serious writers block.  I'm going to blame this on a wonderful author, who's story I just finished, The Winter Sea, by Susanna Kearsley.  It was historical fiction, (which is a genre I adore) set in the Scottish country side and is based around the events of one of the Jacobite attempts at putting James back on the throne.  There is love and heartbreak, twists turns, danger.  And how she did it is original and amazing as well.  Now I seem to have lost the inspiration to write on my vampire novel, and feel too guilty to write on all the other ones I have started. 

Now, I have a historical fiction novel started myself, as well as another fantasy book for young readers, but I am drawn to the historical fiction one after reading Kearsley's.  And this isn't a bad thing necessarily, but I am soooo damn close to having the Vamp one done, and I feel like I am taking two steps back if I abandon it 5 chapters from being completed.  

So last night I gave in to my intuition and pulled up my historical fiction, only to let the guilt of leaving the other book, rack my nerves enough that I couldn't get the true inspiration up to work on the historical one.  So then I pulled up the Vampire one and just sat there staring at the blinking cursor for 20 minutes.  Then I tried to go to bed and had insomnia thinking about both stories and their plots.  UGH!!!!!

I have never had this kind of writers block...  It's like every way I turn I'm banging my head up against very tough, very solid brick walls.  Should I just hurriedly finish the vampire one to get it done and over with, and go back when I am inspired and edit the shit out of it?  Or should I toss out the feelings of guilt and take a go at a couple of chapters on my historical fiction book? 

I know I sound stupid, but I am struggling badly.  I am wondering if I should even go as far as to stop reading a book, unless it is in the genre I am currently writing in.  I have always been scatter brained, so maybe that will help with the feeling of thudding walls on my brain....  Suggestions?

Monday, March 28, 2011

My 27th trip around the sun

This passed Friday, was my 27th birthday.  My sister was in town and we partied, caught up, got a tattoo, reminisced...  It was great.  But, as I sat here today trying to think of something to blog about, I started thinking about my age.  I don't feel older, nor do I look older (yes I still get carded for any and everything) but maybe that is what's bothering me.  Maybe if I felt older and looked older, it wouldn't be so weird to me that quite possibly half my life is over.

I remember my mom saying that "time flies" and "It'll be over before you know it" and me responding with a very sarcastic eye roll.  But now that is different.  She was right (as she normally is)  I'll be married for 5 years in September, I'll have known my husband for 10 years in April.  My oldest son just turned five, and my youngest will turn one on Tuesday.  And if all feels like yesterday.

Before my 21st, birthday's would be these huge, life altering, monumental deals.  Now it's just another day, just another full circle trip around the sun.  I feel no different, nor do I feel better, or worse...  completely the same as I did the day before my birthday.  Part of it sucks.  To know, no matter what you end up doing, it's just another day.  Part of it is great.  The birthday becomes irrelevant, you are no older looking, you feel 18 still, everything is the same...

Ok, I think I'm babbling at this point.  Sorry for the rant, and the boring blog guys...  I'll be back soon with better stuff! ;)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Serving the Devil

This blog is for all those people who have been in some kind of service industry.  For all those people who have to kiss ass to make a buck.  For all those people who have NOT worked in a service industry, or who have forgotten what it's like.  Bartenders, waitresses, sales reps, salon employees, wal-mart cashiers etc, and so forth...  This is for you...

I have never worked in an industry where I didn't serve people.  Maybe I have a supreme ability to kiss ass and lie.  Maybe I was born to play that role in my professional career.  Or maybe the reason I doubt my job choices, and always want to change my profession.  Maybe writing is my dream career because I  wouldn't have to deal with people.

My first real job I was selling shoes.  I liked this job because I was good at selling (top of the list) and I liked the fashion.  But convincing a 500 lbs woman that the strappy Steve Madden that is obviously cutting off the circulation to her overly large toes, that "those were the ones" or "those were sexy, and she looked like Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie", was horrible.  Word of wisdom to the consumer, sales reps lie.  It's why we are good at selling things.   

I then moved to Texas (the bestest place ever) and began working at my mothers bar as a bartender.  This job was great because I made LOADS of money, met some great people, had tons of fun, but on the other hand...  Lord.  Belligerent drunks, dirty old men, pigs in very realistic man costumes.  And lets not forget the drunk who tells us we ripped him off and there is NO WAY he drank 13 crown and fucking cokes!  Ugh...  Now I will say drunk people tip better.  Word of wisdom to the drunks out there... Don't argue with the bartender.  You probably really did have that many drinks or you wouldn't be using the town whore as a crutch, and risking herpes virus by taking him/her home with you.

Mom sold her bar, and then I began to waitress at a restaurant and bar tend in the little bar in the place.  Again, met great people, hated serving people.  The vibe with customers in a food serving industry is WAY different than in a bar.  Granted there are some great customers, who are sweet and take care of their server, but there are those others who are NOT.  This industry almost made me a serial killer.  Also, keep in mind most servers make like 2.15$ an hour, and we don't get a weekly paycheck, because most of that check goes to the IRS.  There are three types of people I would like to address *DISCLAIMER~sorry if one of these is you...  but if it is, maybe you should rethink going out to eat*

A. Elderly people....  It is NOT 1940 any more and a 25 cent tip on a 40$ tab is ridiculous.  I can't buy gum with that. 
B.  If you go to church, and give "all" your money to Jesus, please consider you have no money to tip the server at lunch.  If you do decide to go out anyway (selfish mother effers) then don't TELL the server that you gave your money to God, and that is why there is no tip.  We would rather think you were a tight ass.  As I told a customer once, "Jesus doesn't pay my water bill".    And DEFINITELY DO NOT leave a fricking Bible as your tip, we just want to shove it in your ass.  And your killing trees for nothing.  The server throws that shit away!
C.  If an order is messed up, do not diss your server.  9 times out of 10 it is the cook who messes the order up.  If there is a problem, don"t be rude.  Go punch the cook in the face, instead of not tipping your hard working server.

The last job I got in the service industry, is my current job as a Hairstylist.  Now, this job...  Workin for almost soully ladies is nucking futs.  You make us bonkers ladies...  You are sensitive, and unrealistic.  Here are some more tips for the salon goer...

A.  The hairstyle you get is not going to make you skinnier, prettier, or make you look like Reese Witherspoon.
B.  If your hair is fried and you want to put color, or highlights in your hair, it is going to stay fried.
C.  If you decide to cheat on us and go some where else, then come in and have us fix it for you, do not expect us to be all sunshine and giggles with you.  Even if we smile, we are pissed to have to fix someones else's fuck up. 
D.    Your hair is most likely not the same density and/or texture as the picture you are showing me.  You are going to have to work at it, you will not be able to wash and go, regardless of how good we are.
E.  And last but not least. NO, I can not get you in RIGHT NOW!  Or even today for that matter.  I have customers that have had appointments for weeks!  I am not hindering their experience with me to squeeze you in because you don't know how to schedule ahead of time.  You are not effin special...  And don't get all pissy with your stylist because you are disorganized!

So ladies, and gents...  Please use some common courtesy, and respect for whom ever is serving you.  We are working for YOU, so a little respect and some niceties to the person helping you out.  We are not less of a person than you.  We don't need or want your shit.  If we have to smile and be polite to you, you should have to do the same.  THINK before you ACT please.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tribute to Ms. Elizabeth "Liz" Taylor



A true icon, beautiful, talented, and she had a heart of gold. Liz you will go down in history. I am only thankful you will no longer be in pain. RIP Dear lady.  Say Hi to Michael for me :)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Inspiration~ Tristan Lavelle

This will be a real quick blog, but I wanted to give some love and a shout out to some one who recently inspired me.  Tristan Lavelle, My wife-in-law.  Ok, to avoid confusion, I should explain what the hell a wife-in-law is.  She is my step daughters, mother.  (No we are not sister wives :)  She has her own family in San Antonio and I have mine here, our common link soully being her beautiful daughter) Lots of people think that this is weird, but we get along fabulously.  We both love her daughter and had we met under any other circumstances we probably would have been fast friend.  It turns out our relationship works wonderfully.  There is no stress, no anger and we had the freedom to live a perfectly peaceful family life. 

Any how, I want to thank her for inspiring me.  She not only has lost tons of weight and looks absolutely amazing, but she followed her heart and is now living out her dream.  A couple of years ago (time flies when you are having fun, and that time could be wrong)  she decided that she want to follow a life long dream and start acting.  Now, in all honesty, I was a bit taken aback by this, and highly doubtful.  But despite what seemed to be a crazy, out of reach dream she is doing exactly what makes her happy.  She has been in an independent TV series,  directed a movie, and if my memory serves me correctly, 3 movies.

So here is my Thank You and my shout out to her!  Thank you girl, for pursuing your dreams, you have inspired me beyond imagination.  Things that rattled around in my brain for years are coming to reality, and I would have never attempted it if not for your bravery and perseverance!  Thank you for not shying from your dreams and thank you for making me reach for my own.  Love ya sista!!!

If any one is interested, here is a link to her stuff;

http://www.imbd.me/tristanlavelle

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