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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Serving the Devil

This blog is for all those people who have been in some kind of service industry.  For all those people who have to kiss ass to make a buck.  For all those people who have NOT worked in a service industry, or who have forgotten what it's like.  Bartenders, waitresses, sales reps, salon employees, wal-mart cashiers etc, and so forth...  This is for you...

I have never worked in an industry where I didn't serve people.  Maybe I have a supreme ability to kiss ass and lie.  Maybe I was born to play that role in my professional career.  Or maybe the reason I doubt my job choices, and always want to change my profession.  Maybe writing is my dream career because I  wouldn't have to deal with people.

My first real job I was selling shoes.  I liked this job because I was good at selling (top of the list) and I liked the fashion.  But convincing a 500 lbs woman that the strappy Steve Madden that is obviously cutting off the circulation to her overly large toes, that "those were the ones" or "those were sexy, and she looked like Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie", was horrible.  Word of wisdom to the consumer, sales reps lie.  It's why we are good at selling things.   

I then moved to Texas (the bestest place ever) and began working at my mothers bar as a bartender.  This job was great because I made LOADS of money, met some great people, had tons of fun, but on the other hand...  Lord.  Belligerent drunks, dirty old men, pigs in very realistic man costumes.  And lets not forget the drunk who tells us we ripped him off and there is NO WAY he drank 13 crown and fucking cokes!  Ugh...  Now I will say drunk people tip better.  Word of wisdom to the drunks out there... Don't argue with the bartender.  You probably really did have that many drinks or you wouldn't be using the town whore as a crutch, and risking herpes virus by taking him/her home with you.

Mom sold her bar, and then I began to waitress at a restaurant and bar tend in the little bar in the place.  Again, met great people, hated serving people.  The vibe with customers in a food serving industry is WAY different than in a bar.  Granted there are some great customers, who are sweet and take care of their server, but there are those others who are NOT.  This industry almost made me a serial killer.  Also, keep in mind most servers make like 2.15$ an hour, and we don't get a weekly paycheck, because most of that check goes to the IRS.  There are three types of people I would like to address *DISCLAIMER~sorry if one of these is you...  but if it is, maybe you should rethink going out to eat*

A. Elderly people....  It is NOT 1940 any more and a 25 cent tip on a 40$ tab is ridiculous.  I can't buy gum with that. 
B.  If you go to church, and give "all" your money to Jesus, please consider you have no money to tip the server at lunch.  If you do decide to go out anyway (selfish mother effers) then don't TELL the server that you gave your money to God, and that is why there is no tip.  We would rather think you were a tight ass.  As I told a customer once, "Jesus doesn't pay my water bill".    And DEFINITELY DO NOT leave a fricking Bible as your tip, we just want to shove it in your ass.  And your killing trees for nothing.  The server throws that shit away!
C.  If an order is messed up, do not diss your server.  9 times out of 10 it is the cook who messes the order up.  If there is a problem, don"t be rude.  Go punch the cook in the face, instead of not tipping your hard working server.

The last job I got in the service industry, is my current job as a Hairstylist.  Now, this job...  Workin for almost soully ladies is nucking futs.  You make us bonkers ladies...  You are sensitive, and unrealistic.  Here are some more tips for the salon goer...

A.  The hairstyle you get is not going to make you skinnier, prettier, or make you look like Reese Witherspoon.
B.  If your hair is fried and you want to put color, or highlights in your hair, it is going to stay fried.
C.  If you decide to cheat on us and go some where else, then come in and have us fix it for you, do not expect us to be all sunshine and giggles with you.  Even if we smile, we are pissed to have to fix someones else's fuck up. 
D.    Your hair is most likely not the same density and/or texture as the picture you are showing me.  You are going to have to work at it, you will not be able to wash and go, regardless of how good we are.
E.  And last but not least. NO, I can not get you in RIGHT NOW!  Or even today for that matter.  I have customers that have had appointments for weeks!  I am not hindering their experience with me to squeeze you in because you don't know how to schedule ahead of time.  You are not effin special...  And don't get all pissy with your stylist because you are disorganized!

So ladies, and gents...  Please use some common courtesy, and respect for whom ever is serving you.  We are working for YOU, so a little respect and some niceties to the person helping you out.  We are not less of a person than you.  We don't need or want your shit.  If we have to smile and be polite to you, you should have to do the same.  THINK before you ACT please.

1 comment:

  1. AMEN! Most of my jobs have been in the service industry as well...everything from housecleaning to coffeeshops. It never ceases to amaze me how rude customers can be.

    One specific memory I have is from the coffeeshop I used to work at. This one woman always came in ornery. The coffee was never hot enough (we obviously for legal reasons couldn't put out Peel The Flesh From Your Lips temperature coffee), the baked goods were never fresh enough even if we just got a delivery, etc. Thinking back on it now, I kinda pity her. It must suck going through life being such a bitch.

    I'm doing housecleaning now because jobs are non-existant in my field without a masters, and a co-worker and I were cleaning a bathroom in a office building and this woman slams the door open almost knocking the other girl out. Instead of apologizing she says, "Oh! You guys should be in here singing or something so I knew you were here!" We were scrubbing toilets...what the hell did we have to sing about?

    I drive my bf crazy because he likes to talk on his cell or not say 'thank you' to waiters/grocery clerks and I have to remind him. I know from personal experience-a little freakin' appreciation goes a long waaay.


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