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Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Laws About Men :) Part 1

I decided to write about this after my double header softball game tonight.  Watching a bunch of seemingly normal men get absolutely ridiculous over a co-ed softball league will get your brain working for sure.

First, lets cover what men say and then what they really mean.

A. You ARE beautiful to me baby.  And varying forms of this...  ie.
      1. You look beautiful in the mornings
      2. You look most beautiful right when you get out of the shower
      3. You look so beautiful tonight

B.  Your right. And varying forms of this...  ie.
      1. I'm sorry I forgot to take the trash out
      2. This is stupid!  Why are we fighting over this?
      3. I will never do it again, I promise

C.  I did the laundry for you.  And again, different forms of this... ie.
      1. I cleaned.
      2. I mowed the lawn.

All of these wonderful compliments and or "favors" are code for "Wanna have sex now?"

Another one of my favorites that single ladies are bound to hear is, "I don't think I want a serious relationship right now."  This one is for you to think they are vulnerable from a previous relationship, when in reality it simply means, "I wanna fuck you and anything else I damn well please, and definitely don't want to answer to you."  Ladies!  Do not fall into this one!  It is a TRAP!  :) (MEN:  If a woman says ANY of the for mentioned thing it is because she loves you, either as a friend or lover)

Second, men are, by their very nature, the more aggressive sex.  Now a days with no hand on hand combat going on here in this country, this will transfer itself on to all sporting events, or on to any situation where too much alcohol is involved.  If a man suddenly jumps up screaming at Tony Romo while kicking the coffee table, therefor scaring the shit out of you and your kids, relax, it is only a man being a man.  Regardless of how dumb it appears to you, let him do this without chastising him, for this is the better release of testosterone than the other option, Releasing While Intoxicated.

This second option of releasing their aggression is the worse of the two reactions.  Men can drink and be merry with the best of them, but after that one drink too many....  Watch out.  There is actually an endorphin that is released that travels through their brain and trips the aggressive trigger ;)  At this point, they become belligerent, or cocky/mouthy, or just plain stupid.  These things normally transmit to rude comments, subsequently leading to a fight.  Either verbal with a spouse/lover or physically with a homeboy/complete fricken stranger.

Third, lets address the IFBWIS syndrome.  This is an acronym stands for, I'm a Fucking Baby When I'm Sick syndrome.  Now, despite my smart ass comment about the endorphin trigger tripper in my previous paragraph, women really DO have an endorphin that is released when we are in pain, therefore making our pain tolerance higher (scientifically proven boys, so shut the hell up, this whole blog is in defense of you!)  Scientists say it is the reason we can bare/deliver children.  So when you recover from the flu and still did all of the things required of a wife/mother/girlfriend and then your significant other gets the same thing and they act like they are dying, it probably is because they really feel sicker than you did.  So cut them some slack :)

I hope that this blog will shed some light on the very confusing subject of men for the ladies out there, and bring a smile to your face.  I also hope that the men have a better time of getting along with their lady-mates after they read this.  :)  XOXO

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