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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Why Ladies? Why!?

You know, I'm a woman.  And I really do think we are the smarter, emotionally stronger, more caring sex...  But I am beginning to doubt that.... I'll make this short and to the point.

When did it become necessary to have a damn man in our lives to make it complete?  Why do we need the bullshit to feel complete?  Why, when we finally decide that we are unhappy in our marriages, do we stick it out and wallow in our self pity?

I just don't get it!

I don't get the necessity to have a man.  The "want to" sure, but the need?  I mean some of my favorite times were when I was single.  No one to answer to, clean up after, argue with...  I mean, sounds fabulous, right?

And what about when we realize we are unhappy in our marriage?  To me, this is a time to get a plan, get a fucking clue....  Don't go home and wallow...  Work more hours, save money, get your shit in order and then when the time is right LEAVE!  You are woman!  You are strong! And you damn well can be independent and successful!  Don't sit around waiting for him to change, or fix things.  It ain't gonna happen.  And another thing, you can bet your ass that if your husband wanted a divorce he would a) Cheat on you or b) Ask for a damn divorce and move the hell on!

Now, from personal experience, should this time still be hard? Yes.  Should you be sad? Yes.  It's an end to a (how ever long) relationship, but is it the end of your life... NO! It's just another chapter of your book finished.  When my last "break-up" began, I was devastated.  I cried everyday for three weeks.  But my ass went to work, put on a happy face and made money.  I had a child to raise and refused to let this ruin me and my boy.  I worked harder than ever and by the 4th week I had a plan, and confidence to survive.  I was going to get me a place and move the hell on.  I mourned, but I remained strong.  He was NOT going to bring me down.

I see so many women shut down.  Quit their jobs, stick out a shitty marriage, and be depressed...  It's awful.  Why quit your job?  You're gonna need money and stability!  Why stick it out?  Your going to be a better parent and person if your happy.  Why be depressed?  You're not dying.  Sadness, sure...  Depression?  He's not the only man on the planet who can treat you well or love you.  There are like 7 BILLION fish in the sea.

PLEASE ladies, wake the hell up!  You CAN survive with out him; you are beautiful, strong, and smart.  There are other men, there is money other than in his wallet, there is happiness outside of your front door.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

A comment back to a comment leaver and some more good news :)

This is my comment back to L.A. who left a comment on my "Lactating with Rage" blog:

Thank you for your impute ma'am.  First I can assure you that all of the things on here are real life and whether or not they have happened to me (which they have in one way or another) is of no relevance to this blog.  I post these because it is my way to vent...  about life, the government, and what ever else is upsetting me at that time.  I do write things about my wonderful family (husband and children), but for the most part this blog is to be passionate about something other than my babies.  I spend 24-7 with my kiddos and I can't very well sit them down and tell them about all the things that have bothered me that week.  I think if you have never felt passionate enough about something you bore witness to, to want to run to the rooftops and scream it to the world, than it is something you are truly lacking.  I am passionate about all things, big, small, good or bad.  I hope this blog gives people who can relate to my writing a smile or a laugh and some self assurance that there are other people out there who feel this way and are not afraid vocalize these feelings and opinions.  I let my kids know how much I love them everyday by my actions. My writing, however, is for me, my "therapy".  And if there is anyone out there who reads this and feels better about their day, then so be it....

Ok so there was my comment back, being that Blogger is being a butthole and wouldn't let me reply...  Now on to my good news

August 2nd, my husband will be done with school!  I am sooo proud of him and couldn't be more ready for the last year and a half to be over.  Hopefully if all goes well, he will be a state certified, working, paramedic around September 1st.  Admirable, I know...  Again my pride and love runneth over.

Let me explain a little about the last year.  Our 2010 tax return was, hear me when I write this, about 9 and a half times MORE income then we are currently bringing in.  Money isn't the most important thing to me, never has, never will be, but the strain of keeping up a household and children for the last year and a half with bits and crumbs is sometimes overwhelming.  To quote Silverchair, "you say that money isn't everything, but I'd like to see you live without it"  I am ready to be caught up on our bills, and have a little leeway financially. 

Now, let me not sound ungrateful.  My husband has worked his balls off as much as humanly possible, but unfortunately it's not quite enough.  He's currently working 2 (before he was working 3) jobs and going to school full time and still (barely) keeping us afloat. I will be forever grateful for his hard work and dedication.  I am a hair dresser and though the money can be good, I had to greatly reduce my hours (we can't afford day care any longer) which in turn greatly reduces my checks.  They weren't huge to begin with, but now I am only bringing home about half what I could make. It was hard and we struggled to keep on trucking (as a side note, to throw another quote in here, via my best friend, Shauna Marie, "I don't wanna hear your fucking broke!  I'm fucking broke mother fucker!") 

Well, we have almost made it.  The struggling, the stress, the jealousy (yes jealousy, you have no clue how hard it is to see EVERYONE get a vacation, or be able to afford something as small as a dinner out, when you are sooo damn broke) the pain of having to cancel things because we can't afford them, the embarrassment to have the water company come out and ask for a payment....  all that, is almost over, and I am almost giddy with anticipation.

I love you Shane Hebel and admire, your dedication and hard work...  Keep it up and all will be well and normal soon.  XOXO

Just a sound check...

Everytime I post something it kicks me off the site...  Don't want to write a 10,000 word blog if it isn't going to post right now....

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