Sunday, October 23, 2011
I wish I hated my husband. Then I could leave my kids with him and go do whatever the hell I wanted. Not worry about what he thought or his opinions about my life. I could have extra-curricular "activities" and the smile in his face the next morning like I wasn't guilty of betraying him. I could dance and drink and party for days and never worry if the idea of me being with some one else, or being too drunk to care for myself, made him sick. I wish I hated my husband.
I wish I was stupid or gullible. Then when I did make a mistake I wouldn't feel bad about it later... I could just feign ignorance. I could say exactly what I thought of someone, when I thought it and not edit a thing that came to my mind. I could also be a push over and believe everything that came out of a liar's mouth. I wish I was stupid or gullible.
I wish I didn't love my kids. Then I could walk around, free of responsibility for their health and happiness. I could sleep through the night when they weren't feeling well, instead of getting up 50 times a night to check their breathing or their temperature. I wouldn't have to make sure that they did their homework and behaved in school. Hell, I could just act like I never had them and pawn them off on every person I knew so I could have a good time every weekend. I wish I didn't love my kids.
I wish I wasn't strong will and opinionated. Then I could just be a sheep. I could listen to everyone else's beliefs and not have to fight for what I believed in. I could always take the easy out and not make any decisions that might go against the grain. I could let people run all over me and never have to stand up for myself which is way easier than taking up for yourself. I wish I wasn't strong willed and opinionated.
I wish I didn't worry about my family's opinion of me. Then it wouldn't upset me when they told me I cussed too much and I could run around saying Fuck as much as I wanted. I wouldn't have to clean my house before they came over. I wouldn't have to feel like I failed for my house not being spotless. I wouldn't think about quitting smoking. God knows I hear that enough! I wish I didn't worry about my family's opinion of me.
I wish I hated my husband, I wish I was stupid or gullible, I wish I didn't love My kids, I wish I wasn't strong willed or opinionated, and I wish I didn't worry about my family's opinion of me.... This I could skip the whole happily married thing... I could live a completely selfish and unfulfilled life... I could never know joy, or unconditional love... I would never even have needed to live....
Posted by Crystal at 3:02 PM
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